Life News and Fan Girl Views

A week ago Thursday I concluded my tenure as the head coach and cheerleading coordinator for my high school.   Coming face to face with the ending of something you love and have nurtured for ten years tends to cause a myriad of emotions: sadness, ecstasy, bittersweetness, terror.  But what I never expected was a feeling of complete calming peace.  I was surprised and shocked at this revelation because to be quite honest I wasn't sure how I would take my retirement.  I have put my heart and soul into that program and it has been my world for the past ten years, even though it hasn't always been easy.  At our end of season banquet, I gave my final speech with advice and life lessons that I have learned...lessons that I wanted to share in an ever changing society that demands our seclusion from people in an attempt to cage us in social media...and yes I see the irony.  There is so much that I wanted to say to those girls, and so much that I still wish to say, so below is an excer

There's a quote that says "the cure for anything is saltwater: sweat, tears, or the sea."  My mind, body, and soul are simply too exhausted for the first one, and while my heart and soul belong to the sea, I live nowhere near it.  I suppose that means the cure for today will have to be tears.  Complete heart wrenching, body shaking sobs that make me unable to breathe.  And I can't give you a reason other than I feel like I'm unraveling.  Clearly it seems that this has become the place for me to put down everything that I keep bottled up until it boils over.  I just feel like I have no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life.  I'm exhausted because I'm up at ungodly hours for my job and I'm to the point where I feel like I second guess every decision I make because I'm afraid I'm going to get in trouble or fired for something minute. I feel like a fucking failure because I'm 28 and still have no clue what I want to do with my life othe

Eight months is a long time to be away.  I've never liked making resolutions.  Resolutions means that you are aiming to resolve something wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with you.  So instead, I've decided to make new goals this year.  The past year and a half, I've been striving to make my life the happiest and healthiest I've ever been.  I did really well for a year, but I was focused on only the physical aspect.  What I have failed to realize is that mental health is just as important.  I've never been one to show my emotions or feelings.  It makes me feel uncomfortable so I've always "suffered in silence" if you will.  Even typing this now is hard on me.  I think it's because I never want to burden anyone and my problems always seem so small in comparison to other people.  So I've always pushed my feelings and thoughts aside and suppressed what I was feeling and tell myself that it didn't happen or I'm making a big deal o